Finding the Pieces
by Nakimochiku
Summary: i'm sorry, hichi, i'm sorry. oneshot, sequel to Heart Broken Calls, oneshot, hichi x ichi, horribly sad.


Finding the Pieces

Ichigo held the receiver of his phone to his ear with bated breath, listening to the ring. It was the most infuriating sound ever. _'Pick up... pick up, I'm sorry, so pick up.'_ but the ringing continued, until the answering machine click.

"_Hey, sorry I'm no' here righ' now, but leave a message an' I'll get back ta ya as soon as possible. Beep."_ one for every single message, Ichigo promised himself.

Ichigo's POV

I don't think I'm sorry cuts it. When I easily said, I'd love you forever, I left you alone. Is it I who needs you more than you need me? Cause you're strong without me, Hichi, so very strong. And it's me whose breaking when I don't have your arms to block out the nightmares. It's me whose desperate for a glimpse of warmth. I'm sorry, so sorry that I couldn't understand, so sorry that I left you so broken. Sorry.

Just calling cause you wanted to hear my voice. Do you know how much I wanted to hear yours? I spent every day trying to work up the courage to call you back, praying that you'd call me instead. I wore myself out at night, trying to imagine your hands cause god knows I was so lonely. It seems to me...like we're the only ones for each other. I bet you think this is some sort of sick joke, that I'm laughing at you with my new boyfriend. Only problem is I'm too miserable to laugh, and I don't have a new boyfriend. Isn't it funny how neither of us can move on?

In my dreams, I reach out my hands, trying to catch you, pull you closer. You're not smiling, Hichi, you're crying, and you look so throughly disappointed. And you disappear just as I whisper those words you don't quite care to hear. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. Would you take me back now, if a begged you? Or would you turn away the way you did in my dream? Or maybe that wasn't a dream, maybe it was a prediction. You've forgotten about me, and I'm too late.

I left something in your drawer the second day we were together. I don't know if you found it or not, cause it was really small, black, and blended into the shadows. If you bothered to look, you would have found the small piece of my heart that I can offer you. Every day I was with you, the old shattered pieces were brought back together. And eagerly, you glued them back together, kept them strong. My cracks were so deep, but just your smile made them smaller. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry.

I don't think I know the meaning of heartbreak. What I am feeling is meaningless, compared to your pain. I can hear you crying from where I am. I still want to be with you. Kinda stupid of me to run away, isn't it? But I was afraid. Afraid that I was in love with you, afraid because I wanted to spend every moment of every fucking day with you. All the time. I was so afraid that I would suddenly wake up in the dark, and you wouldn't be there, that it had all been a dream. Now this existence I'm living is worse than a nightmare.

I can always remember the way you kiss me, the way we feel when we're together, the kind of euphoria I get when your skin is on mine. I try to recall it now, and my very soul aches to feel it again. The voice in my head calls me stupid. 'Why did you hesitate, why did you run?' I can't justify it. I can't forgive it. I can't understand what I did wrong. I can't let it go. I sure as hell can't say good bye. I don't want to. I don't want to believe we can't try again.

Does my voice reach you the way yours reaches me? Can I be selfish and pray that you understand, that you hear it? Can I be selfish and beg for your forgiveness, and pretend that you'll actually give me your love again? Can I trust that my broken black little mass of shadows is still sitting in your drawer, forgotten but loved? Cause I still have yours, Hichi, and knows it's that one thing that I treasure, but I was stupid and went and lost it. I'm so hung up on you that it hurts. And I hate being this weak. I hate thinking that my entire life depends on you. But it does. And it's about time I realized it.

I'm not going to give up on you, on us, on life. I'm gonna work up my courage, and I'm gonna march my lying ass right to your door, so I can throw myself to your feet and beg you for your heart back. I'm gonna beg to be the one who makes you smile, be the one you want warming your bed, and be the one who comforts you when you come home. I'm gonna say all those words that you always managed to force out of me. I'm gonna be perfect, just for you. I'm sorry, hichi, I'm sorry.

X.x.X

The phone rang for the fourteenth time, putting a smile on the nearly sleeping Hichigo's face. His eyes dropped as he held his hand up toward the phone. The bottle of morphine slipped from his grasp, rolling under the sofa.

"Ah...maybe Ichi called back..." what a sweet smile he had on his face.

OWARI

_muahahahaha! So I got a review for Heart Broken Calls the other day, and remembered that I wanted to write a sequel to it anyway. So here it is!_


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